


Faded

by lar_laughs



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Community: writerverse, Gen, Post Movie, mutual mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lar_laughs/pseuds/lar_laughs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has only ever really loved one girl and she died before he ever had a chance to tell her just how much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faded

Steve had moments when he forgot everything that had happened. When it felt right to laugh at a joke or relax into the group dynamic. The guilt, when it came, swamped him as he realized that he'd almost forgotten. For a moment, he was Steve. Just Steve. Not Steve - the man who was Captain America, and certainly not Steve - the man who still loved Peggy with too much of his heart.

When it was bad, the sacrifice of his heart felt like a poison that was coursing through every limb, weighing them down. The worst it had ever been, he fell to his knees in the middle of a Manhattan sidewalk, unable to get out of the way of pedestrians as they cursed and kicked at the huddled man.

It wasn't any of the team that noticed his pain. They had too much going on to notice that he wasn't dealing well with being unfrozen. Steve, himself, hadn't realized that his pain was noticeable to anyone until Maria sank down onto the bench across from him.

"They even ruin the sandwiches around here," she complained, nudging at a lump of bread and meat. "You'd think SHIELD could afford a decent catering staff to work the cafeteria. We put our lives on the line every day and they feed us swill."

Steve tried to think of a reasonable response but all he could do was stare at her blankly. When he didn't say anything, she tilted her head to the side and took a bite of her pickle. "You've never mourned. Have you considered it?"

"Mourning?" He felt like an idiot for not coming up with a decent excuse that would get him out of this conversation. Instead, he shrugged.

"I'd suggest you come to terms with it sooner than later. If not, it'll eat you alive." She dug into the back pocket of her form-fitting ensemble and tossed a faded picture onto the table between them. Even without picking it up, Steve could make out a rather attractive man in an aviator jacket. "He was fifty-three and in the prime of his life. I never got to say goodbye."

"Your father?" When she nodded, he continued, "How did he die?"

"Firefight over 'Nam cost him more fuel than he'd figured on. He got away clean but ended up going nose first into the Pacific. It was the kind of death that doesn't get you any medals, that's for sure."

"Doesn't mean he wasn't a hero."

"I mourn him the same way she mourned you."

He sat up straighter, his eyes narrowed at the seriousness of her statement. When he would have asked what she meant, he recalled the date on her tombstone. He'd only missed her by a couple of years.

"You knew her?" His voice cracked and it took several deep breaths to hold in the rest of his emotions.

"I did. Not well but I knew her. All the females in the service held her up as a sort of god around here. She was... is," she emphasized the word, "a hero. Same as you. Same as him. Come to terms with that, Steve, before it eats you alive."


End file.
